“I am not afraid to admit I have been wrong. I have been wrong about quite a few profound things. The plus side is that because I realize I have been wrong, its opened up new possibilities for me.
And that’s what keeps me fresh and young.
It’s okay to change your mind and your direction so long as it’s done with intelligence, research and a genuine want of something different for yourself. As a matter of fact, I think its a part of growing. It’s not about “finding yourself”. At least for me, I always have known who I am and what I want. But what I want changes due to what I learn and honestly, I think that’s healthy and the way it should be. We are not static creatures- or if and when we are, that’s really what ages us. Being static. Being complacent. Being dormant. Being stuck.
I’m the first to admit, sadly, embarrassingly, that my ego has kept me on a path professionally that I should have abandoned long ago. But I have learned and as much as it STILL kinda stings my ego a bit, I am willing to let it go. I had the false truth of identifying who I am with part of what I do for a living. But who I am is defined not by what I do for a living but by how I go about facing the challenges I do and pursuing the things that I want to pursue.
You cannot be afraid to change your mind and you cannot worry about what other people think about what you do. People always have too much to say about shit they should shut their mouths about. At least in my life, I’ve had more bitching at me then help thrown my way so I care little for what you think about me because I know I got where I am mostly by myself with little help. I had some- but probably not the amount of help most people get in life.
I’m getting flack now because I am thinking about leaving the US for good. It’s NOT just because I don’t like Trump and what he’s doing but because the underbelly of the US has been exposed. I also know that financially, as I get older and my earning power is even more reduced, my life will not be sustainable. I don’t have savings or retirement money. I won’t’ have a family to look after me. I won’t be able to afford housing or healthcare. This is a truth. So I know that I am getting older and I have to think of these things and so its time to think of the way out.
I played the game. I lost. Time to play a new one, or rather, just not play at all. I found the truth- but I found it somewhere other than here. I’ll ALWAYS be thankful for that. I’ll always be thankful that I follow my whims because that’s where I find the truth in my life. Last year at this time, if you asked me if I wanted to go to Thailand, much less SE Asia, I would have said “uh, no… why?” Then it struck me on a whim that it was a good idea in August of last year. Funny how life works out and if you listen inside of yourself and follow those whims, you sometimes find what you were looking for and didn’t know it.
The heart always knows. We just get too stuck in logic sometimes to give magic a chance. The world is both logic and illogical and that’s why it’s beautiful. Sometimes you have to be crazy to find what is really sane. You have to live fearless in order to really live at all.
I have one more story from Thailand that I am keeping to myself. I have to keep it to myself for quite a bit longer. Maybe someday I can tell it. I’m sure I will someday. But if you can sit in a moment where you could die or get hurt and you can look inside yourself and say “I’m okay with that. I lived and did what I wanted to do.”, you’re doing something right. Remember, if you can look yourself in the mirror at night before you go to bed and have no regrets, you lived how you should be living.
And that’s all I have to say for now.