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I am looking for this patter to cross stitch and hang in my apartment. It seems that I needed this all to happen to kick start me again. I'm not sure where it happened that I became sad because people were shit and not my usual "You know what? You're a worthless waste of time to begin with" attitude that I used to have. Someone who has known me for years said to me on Saturday that most people aren't worth my time because of the person that I am. And I know that, I knew that. I was talking to someone else on Friday night and saying how I felt bad and that maybe I am worthless because of how people treat me, but I try not to go down that path because its a slippery

Long time no talk. In all honesty, when I have been talking, I don't feel like I have been talking. I always try to recapture the freedom from my Tekwh0re days, but the Internet changed, I changed (in certain ways) and that freedom of personal speech just went out the window the stronger the algorithms became. I also became busy- always so busy. But that good busy became good busy and frankly, I got lost, seriously lost focus. Most of it isn't my fault but I like to think I'm stronger, better, and less swayed than your average human. That's mostly true but necessity has a way of erasing stances and I became caught up in it all. And while I have been in this whirlwind of just trying to stay one step

Man, I forgot just HOW GOOD early Placebo is. I think their first five albums are amazing and the last two are utter shit. I feel the same way about Radiohead though. I much prefer their earlier stuff to their more space-electro jam band stuff. I'm not sure if I've posted this recently but if I did, don't care, listen to it again: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fISvc-yUU1A&ab_channel=PLACEBO Which interesting side note: My type was always the "Alternative" guys. My tastes changed in my 30's and I started to like the guys who worked out. But now I think they are all proud boys so my tasts have gravitated back to what they were

To say that I have been busy is the understatement of the year. Since the last time I posted, Orange Fucktard was voted out (THANK GOD), the US has done an emergency authorization of a new COVID-19 vaccine, I finished up my advanced cave and staged cave diving certifications, I got a new job, I turned 45 years old, and I got a new car. (PHEW! That's a lot but we're not done yet) Since I started my new job (one day after vacation from Mexico) I have worked 65-75 hours every week since the last week of October. This week, it should start to ramp down a little bit but I think you would understand why: I haven't been postingI haven't been going to the gym regularlyMy house looks like an absolute PIG STY That being said,

So where is the podcast? Nobody liked it/was listening so it dropped to the bottom of my list of things I needed to do. I am still interested in doing a Podcast/YouTube thing but work has been crazy and as far as social media is concerned, I am well and truly aware that nobody cares about what I have to say anymore. My world gets ever darker and ever more quiet. I'm not terribly happy about this but it's true, you cannot relive the past and I have become it seems: "Irrelevant." So I guess I go back to just the catharsis that writing used to bring me. I keep trying to find it

Crazy awful week- what can I say? I hate drama and politics. Besides wanting credit for work that I have done/created, I want to be a low key, under the radar kinda woman. I don't want to be the queen of anything in corporate America. I mean to me, that is a stupid goal as I would much rather rule life. That being said, things haven't been going well lately. My stress has been through the roof. I'm literally in a situation I have no control over and it's rough. Add in the COVID pandemic and the nonsense that is our current American leadership and that leads to a feeling of being trapped indeed. Wait.. then add to that the EU says Americans might be banned and can we say "trapped and claustrophobic"? Anyway,