I slept like shit. I have massive stress going on right now at work. Add a dash of COVID-19 and not being able to work out or travel, I can’t sleep well, I’m fairly certain I have a stomach ulcer and my health is struggling at the moment. It’s got me depressed, down, and feeling defeated.
But nothing worse or more than I have been able to take. Its just unpleasant you know? If I get fired, its not the end of the world. Live goes on. You move on, you figure it out. You just cannot get catatonic “woe is me” to the point of inaction. That serves nobody but the Devil.
And we make the Devil OUR Bitch, remember?
So as stressed out and unhappy as I am right now. As uncertain everything is, I remember to “Stick to the Plan” because until there is a reason to change that plan, the drama that surrounds me must wash over me and I need to control the emotion that other people are directing towards me. This shit is hard. I admit I lost myself for a long time there but though I feel absolutely horrible in my core, “Tekwh0re” is still there 😉 If anything, I feel she’s been around a hell of a lot more lately and that we’re trying to work together now instead of “me pushing me” down. I mean they’re all facets of me, but I had to divvy myself up quite a bit a long time ago due to the fact that in my heart, I never fit into corporate standards even though I’m good at them- save for dram and politics.
Forgot where I read this but it’s true:
“Hell is other people.”
I think that’s why I’ve stayed a singular force all my life. You could say its fear of others and there might be a dose of that in there- I have been treated awfully by people who I trusted and cared about. But I abhor drama. I can deal with difficult situations but if it’s just stupid and has no value to me, I much prefer to make my exit. There is too much glorious life out there to still see (if this damn COVID will go away or at least get under control).
So what is on my plate today?
- EMPIRE & ACES – rebuilding that website.
- IT’S COMPLICATED – I am determined to work on this podcast and building an audience.
- THIS website– I am determined to work on this and building an audience again.
- My IT consulting business– Maybe black lives matter will finally make it worth working on this again since I never could build my clientele. It was hell.
- Client Proposals
- Working on my personal clients.
- Trying to chill a little bit since next week at work is going to be really bad.
On the plus side, for anyone watching, I’m starting to speak more, talk more than I used to. Again, that’s Tekwh0re. I think she got fucking fed up of 15 years of just hiding it all so now she’s talking again. I just need to figure out a way to let her talk and financially support us both.
YOU CAN HELP ME WITH THIS. Support me where you can, be it with listening to my podcast, interacting with me or whatever. I do listen to good ideas (and some bad ones).
Doing this was always carthatic to me. I’m hoping that I can bring it back to at least a quarter of what it was.
I’m tempted to bring “Tekwh0re.net” as a forum to be honest. Not sure.
Stay tuned to a new episode of “IT’S COMPLICATED” tomorrow. Unless something tragic today happens, I think I will talk about when your heroes become demons and if there is ever a road to redemption. If you are into Comics or Boxing *wink*, you might enjoy the episode.