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Stressed. :(

I am so incredibly stressed right now. I keep trying to talk myself down- that part II of this plan won’t start until Feb but everything HAS to work out or I am FUCKED. Everything has lined up except for the two things that I knew were coming is now here and the only way I can fix that is if next year, the second part of this works out. I am so stressed, so worried. I gotta make this work… it’s the only way I can even have a shred of hope of being able to retire. Sucks I’m going to have to work my ass off all time.

In other news, I have tried to be numb about my career but when I see people doing better than I am that shouldn’t be where they are, yeah, I get pissed. Only goes to show you that you can have the education and the experience but if you aren’t the right class or color, you’ll work three times as hard and still have to get really lucky to “make it”. You can be a total basket case and you get to still fail up if you are the right color. It’s such bullshit. If I did what I see is going on, I’d be canned.

I’m sick of having to fight so hard all the time and I am so worried about my future.

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