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Business. Pleasure? There is no pleasure.

I’ve been so busy trying to work on other aspects of my life that me blogging again always seems to fall by the wayside. A lot of it has to do with self-censoring… but in my old age, I find that maybe I am self-censoring a hell of a lot less. I want to talk.. I want to write. I’ve come full circle in some ways when I think about it. I was mentioning the other day that I live a very singular life. Don’t really talk to many people at the level that I’d like to because they frankly cannot handle it. I’ve been rebuffed, shunned, admonished, and a bunch of other really snazzy scrabble words. On so many levels, it just made me quiet. But I never found much satisfaction writing in a private journal. I rather just let it go to 1’s and 0’s and the devil may have you. Life is life. Life is life. Life is short. My only concern is that I am noticing that I am starting to become quite numb. I’m here. But things aren’t registering as deeply with me as they once did. I think you get to a point where you go through so much hell, that the daily burn just takes on the importance of a gnat.

Anyway, my other little business venture has finally gone live. PLEASE, for the love of god, CHECK IT OUT.

Empire And Aces

It’s cool… no really. And for the love of god, please go BUY A T-SHIRT, cause that is gonna help me when I roll around part III of this 18 month plan.

I had fun getting that Aces website together, so now I’d like to do something with this one. Again its hard… I’m slowly becoming a public figure again, yet I also want to write divisive, in your face, commentary that probably isn’t really revolutionary to original, but hey, I think I’m pretty cool. I rediscovered my creativity and maybe my voice again. Its not that I was ever afraid of my voice, it was more that think I got hoarse shouting into a canyon. Then I got shot… and other allegories.. I love to speak in allegories… remember way back when? Remember when I used to write, write, write… and sometimes it was blunt and brazen, and other times, I wrote fables full of descriptors and allegories to explain a feeling, a concept, a moment?

I miss writing.

And I miss me. Or rather the public me. Again, I took a mortal wound to the psyche… I didn’t think I’d ever come back. Look, they finally have slain the demi-god… she has fallen. She will never rise again.

Guess they (and I) got that wrong. Here I am… older, wiser (?) and maybe infinitely more dangerous now because of it. I mention again that I am just feeling more and more numb. It means that I will take more risk. Perhaps the soul finally died and the corpse just speaks from memories of who I once was. Maybe its evolution. Maybe it can’t be explained and just is. And maybe I really am that emo, goth, douche bag I occasionally am called.

But I want to write again… and so I shall. I just have to be better about keeping the weird stuff here, and the fitness/professional stuff on the other websites. But it’s not like my brain lacks for shit to say… I what I lack is an audience to listen. So again, I throw this to the wilds of the Internet for it to bite me in the ass again, probably when I need a job.

And so it goes.

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