I don’t really want to jump on any coattails or be accused of “clout chasing”. That’s never been my interest or my jam or my modus operandi. I was going to say something about the accusations a few weeks ago in a podcast and then- I just kind of felt like letting it go. But then I made this podcast this week, which got me to thinking.
And then this happened.
And I had to have a discussion or two in my DMs on twitter because I, too, was once part of Warren’s forum.
And I, too, had a similar experience with Warren. The only difference or maybe the only positive thing about it is that I, too, was dropped like a sack of hot potatoes from his life. But it never got to the point as many of the women on that website described.
I have been duped and deceived but I have never been a victim, really. I don’t think I have ever come off as tragically wounded in my life though many times I have been. Even in my despair, I think I have always carried an edge about me… I may be on my knees, crying, but if you get too close, I still might slice you with a razor. And at the end of it, I think that is why it never got that far, try as Warren did… because I couldn’t be manipulated that much… because he never could offer me the things in the world that I needed. This isn’t to put down other women who had this experience with him but more to show how manipulative and predatory he actually was. For all my tattoos and wildness, deep down, I was made of something different and he recognized it would never get any further with me, and thus, I was also just dropped.
I don’t keep old emails. I don’t look at old photos. I tend to live in the moment. I cannot relive the past. I have to stay in the present and prepare always for the future. I looked in my inbox just in case I had any of the old email exchanges and I don’t. I fully delete my inboxes every 90 days and this was years ago. But I do remember the last conversation I had with him… where he told me I had to drop the “Tekwh0re” name to become successful. He wasn’t wrong on that. But I don’t think it was ever in the cards for me to become successful, Tekwh0re or not. But being “Tekwh0re” didn’t help. 😉
(The irony is that I am still Tekwh0re and will be Tekwh0re til I die and the DOMAIN IS STILL MINE.)
He liked my fascination with boots. I always loved knee high and above boots back then (still do, but never have an occasion to wear them anymore). And yes, I was a “cam whore” in a way- except I never got naked and mostly talked about politics and pop culture when you visited my website. I used the sex appeal to lure you in, and kept you with my mind. And I think that is why he tried to “collect ” me and ultimately it didn’t work.
So I guess in a way, this post is also saying “me too” or “me, almost” except I never gave him photos or had sexual talk with him. I wouldn’t go there with him. Next day he would apologize and and blame the talk on whatever he was drinking the night before.
These women aren’t lying. It happened.
I am sad that in the end, he and I weren’t really friends. I think that is the sting for everyone who crossed his path in this way… to think you’re building up a friendship only to be dropped and ignored hurts. I followed him off and on after the communication ended. I never said anything to him again after 2014 which was a brief message to tell him his AOL account seemed to have been hacked. Still, no reply from him.
But I did say on thing to him recently, on his twitter page, after all this nes broke. It was along the lines of this:
Sometimes the crows come home to roost.
Which again brings me back to yesterday’s podcast. Sometimes, there is no road to redemption. Asking for forgiveness because you got caught isn’t asking for forgiveness at all.
And so it goes.
Transmetropolitan is still wonderful. Warren Ellis is not.